Jamie Williams

Now, far be it from me to bump my gums about the quality of lecturer or material that I am given to learn with at University, but lately, it's been a fucking joke. Monday being possibly the dullest encounter I've had with an academic timetable to date. One lecturer seemed to just copy out everything on the handouts that he'd given us ten minutes previously, I'm not kidding, it took me all my bits to stop playing Tennis on my K850i and throw it at him, it fucking pissed me off, it's as if he felt he had to use every one of those sixty minutes he'd been assigned to teach us with... Most of it could have been condensed into 15mins and we could have been sent on our merry way for a panini and coffee, but no, we ended up whispering how shit this class was right now... Why do they do that?

The next lecture wasn't even slightly better, he seemed to just tell us a story, except it seemed he dropped in and out between different segments of a trilogy here, no kidding, he'd just fucking pause, and start referring back to a point that he'd digressed from where he'd initially digressed from the point of today's lecture, it was like he was re-re-re-digressing! Oh, and I bet you didn't know that he was given his name because his Mum was scared of crossing the road. I'll bet just as much you don't give a fuck either. he just dished out the lecture notes and reading materials midway then carried on with his topical tripe. I was seething, the room was far to warm, I could have used the time better than this, all sorts...

The third lecture? I was so fucked off by now that I just skipped it altogether, and so did several of my classmates, all of us felt exactly the same about the issue. Seriously, what shite rule says that they MUST use the hour given by their supervisor or whoever dictates the timetable? Why can't they even pretend they want to be there because more often than not, it's clear they don't want to be, I really feel like they could put some effort into it for us.

So, whilst doodling on my notepad and deciding whether I'd hit the third lecture for the day or not, I had a brainwave. Lecturing with a fucking twist. It involves a wee trapdoor style pit thing like Mr Burns has in his office on The Simpsons... you know what I'm talking about and don't dare pretend you don't, everyone knows the basic characteristics of a Simpsons episode. Anyway, the other instrument in my attempt to liven up lecturing, is audience participation. In case you never watched it last year, there was a show called 'Britain's Got Talent'. In my opinion Britain didn't have much fucking talent, but regardless, contestants on the show displayed their obscene "skills" like bellydancing or singing badly and as the performance went on, if the judges didn't like it, they could press a buzzer... once all judges had buzzed, you were out! No arguments, fuck all...

Picture the scene...



Or better still, an exact replica of my class, sitting quite bored and pissed off about current proceedings...



The way I see it, we could operate a pit at the front of the room where the lecturer performs for us and if we feel it just ain't that interesting, that he's wasting our time, then start slapping the buzzers and get the fucker pepping things up a bit, a wee joke, aye... one of my lecturer's last year would dabble in comedy, not always funny mind but hey, at least he fucking tried. i think I'd like a lamp beside me, so that the lecturer knew exactly who wasn't happy, then next time, if he emerges from the pit, he knows who to focus his attention on...

Yes. I think that just might liven things up a bit... haha, even better! What if shit like this happened!



GAH-RAN-TEED! Things would be a bit snappier in the lectures if this shit was happening... yes, even if I do say so myself, this is a cracking idea.

Coming to a crap telly station near you, soon.